Monday, 18 May 2015

MOM, ARE YOU THERE? IT'S ME...













Surprisingly, I find myself missing you these days
Me, who was almost relieved when you died
Although, bearing a back-pack filled with blood
and carrying a cup of your tears
I distracted myself for almost two years
Not wanting to put either down, nor spill a drop
on the ground

But, taking a stroll by the lake last night, noting
the ice skinning the surface.
An overwhelming feeling of loss lay over me
as geese veed  above,  headed south
Another winter's settling in and you're not here
but that's not all of it
Your grand-daughter's gone also, and with her,
the boys are gone too

Oh—you probably know, from where-ever you
watch—and I know that you do
They're not where you are, they still breathe
Do you know that she just doesn't want us in
their lives any more
It's going on three months since we've been
in touch, and yes, I'm dying a bit more
every day

Walking along the shore last night, I wanted
so much to talk to you
Realizing as I did, that what I really wanted was
for you to still be here
If you were, I'm quite sure, our girl would never
have done this thing that's she's doing
I don't think she could have been this cruel if
she knew you would know

I scanned the skies, emptied of geese, searching
for some sign of you, I think
Something to give me a hint, some suggestion -
some something to tell me
what I could do, what I should do, that might
make a difference, might get through
to my girl - help her see what she's doing,
what's happening to all of our lives
the longer this impasse goes on

Mom , I know that we didn't always see eye to eye—
an understatement to say the least
And this probably feels like I only want you because
I need something
But when did that ever happen?
Did I ever need anything from you?
Not that I'd admit, I don't think...
I learned to dislike you so much...alright, it was
close to hate by the end
Maybe this is the one good thing that will come
out of the estrangement...
I will find a way back to you.